Pet Loss

THE LOSS OF A COMPANION

Losing a close friend or family member can be absolutely devastating, and pets are among our closest companions. Our furry family members give us emotional security, unconditional love, and loyalty. Their constant presence in our lives also provides us with fun, relaxation, structure, and daily social contact. Their absence can mean the loss of a routine lifestyle, not just a loved one. Usually friends and family are there for you, but sometimes a lack of support and understanding can make this time in your life even harder for you.

BE PREPARED

Although you can never really be prepared to emotionally deal with the actual loss of your companion, in some situations, one can anticipate the death of a pet. The pet may be very old or suffer from a chronic illness. In a complete opposite scenario, the pet may pass away suddenly resulting in something like an accident or short-term illness. What needs to be carefully thought out with a very ill or seriously injured pet is their quality of life and when and if euthanasia should be considered. It is best that these difficult matters be contemplated beforehand.

ACCEPT HOW YOU FEEL AND EXPRESS IT

Everyone handles grief differently. What is very important is to understand that there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Always keep in mind that, while grieving, your feelings need to be acknowledged and then released somehow. Don’t be afraid to write your thoughts down in a journal, cry, or talk to your friends and family or even a counselor.

YOU’RE NOT ALONE

Our friends are well-meaning, but hearing things like “He was only a dog”, or “There are plenty of other cats out there”, can make dealing with your grief even harder. We know our companions can’t just be replaced, but others may just find it hard to be sympathetic. You’re not alone. There are support groups out there that act as a wonderful resource for affirmation and consolation.

WAYS TO EASE THE PAIN

Express your grief. Tell others how you think and feel about your loss. You can even write your memories, thoughts, and feelings down somewhere. Rituals and memorials can give some people great comfort and helps them let go. Don’t forget your surviving pets. They are also losing a companion and will grieve in their ways as well. Giving them comfort and attention may help both of you with your grieving.

SPECIAL FRIENDSHIPS, SPECIAL CONCERNS

Owners with a particularly close relationship with their pets will have an especially hard time coping with their loss. These owners rely solely on their pets for companionship, or are emotionally or physically dependant on their pet. Children, the elderly, and the handicapped often have unique bonds with their companions and may need extra support from loved ones when a pet passes away.

TASKS OF GRIEF

There are some general patterns for time periods and grief recovery, but nothing is precise since everyone grieves differently. We use “tasks of grief” to help recognize that these feelings are normal and to assist on the path to resolution. To avoid the mourner having the feeling of this being a preset list lasting a certain amount of time, we avoid calling them “stages of grief”.

Denial. Many people will go through a time of denial where they refuse to accept or even believe their pet is passing on or has already passed. Usually denial is at its strongest when the loss is untimely or sudden, such as due to a short-term illness or an accident.

Bargaining. When pets are facing imminent death, some owners will try to strike a deal with God, the pet, and themselves to stop the inevitable. It’s a desperate effort to prevent fate.

Anger. Anger from grief comes from frustration and hopelessness. It can be directed at anyone; friends, family, veterinarians, and even at the pet owner themselves.  

Guilt. Guilt is easily the most common and longer lasting emotion after the death of a companion. All of the decisions made towards the care of the pet are the responsibility of the owner. It’s easy to get caught up in the “What if’s” surrounding the actions taken or not taken during, and even before, the illness of the pet. Even the most attentive owner will feel that they could’ve done more. Anyone suffering feelings of guilt after such a loss needs to keep in mind that they did their best with the knowledge and resources available to them. Try not to second-guess the decisions that were made. Keep in mind that you tried to act on the best interest of your pet.

Depression. The start of acceptance is usually depression. It’s very normal to withdraw and think about your relationship with your companion in seclusion. If the depression is very deep and lasting, professional help may be needed to assist in moving on.

Acceptance. Here, with acceptance, an owner may finally start to think about the future. Daily reminders of your companion will be less painful, and it will be easier to think about good memories and enjoy them.

CONSIDERING ANOTHER PET

Getting a new pet means entering into a completely new relationship, because a new pet is just that – a new pet. No matter how special, this new companion will never be a replacement for the one you lost. Are you really ready to enter a new commitment? Check how you are psychologically and financially. Be sure you have the time and energy, and that you can take in a new pet without resentment or impractical expectations. In the end, careful consideration of all of these factors is in the best interest of yourself and your potential new companion.